Its been about a week and a half since the incident I had to deal with. I was surprised how I have been dealing with it. It took one day to be over it. I deleted him from my friends list on myspace and deleted his number from my phone. So doing that made me feel better. Honestly, this new balance I have found in my life is helping me remember my goals and what makes me happy so that is making him the last thing on my mind.
However, yesterday on my long trip back home from work, I did think about him. I wasn’t thinking what we had these past months – I was thinking about the friendship we had before all of this. He was a good friend. We would talk occasionally about what was going on in our life – he would give me advice and make me feel better about things I was going through. I realized how much I missed that. I was considering having a talk with him – a civilized conversation about what happened and just forgetting all that happened since July last year (how we were between friends and lovers) and just go back to the way things were – talk every now again like we did.
What made me think about it was this e-mail I saw a few days ago. I was looking for something in my old e-mails and I found this e-mail I sent to my ex. We had stopped talking because of something that blew up between me, him, and his ex-fiance. Basically I e-mailed him letting him know that I am not going to have a grudge with him and hopefully we can try to be cool with one another. Well we are at that point. We don’t really talk like we used to but things are good. We have a friendly relationship with one another.
However it took a few months for us to get to that point. I started thinking it would be too soon for any type of forgiveness. I hate having any type of grudge but also I hate showing any sign of weakness. I feel like anything too soon is showing weakness. So I’m going to continue to live my life and wait for the perfect opportunity to talk to him. Then I started thinking about how I may be fine now, but I don’t want to hear any mention of “her” either. I know my friends may not agree but one thing I learned during a sermon a few years ago, “God wants you to forgive people who have hurt you but that does not mean forget.” So I will eventually forgive him – I think I forgive him now but I won’t let him know for a while.
//Edit: I came across this quote after writing this last night – “If you want to move forward: forgive yourself, forgive them, accept that it happened, and learn from it & move on.” Like I said earlier, I will let him know eventually that I forgive him but not right now.\\
