Yesterday, I lost everything on my laptop and ended up having to get another one.   I was really upset about losing everything but I started thinking that it was probably best to have lost my past because I was trying to hold on to something that was no longer there.  I keep thinking that there will be hope between us, but I have finally gave up.  There is no need to hold on to something for someone who doesn’t want to with you.  I am pressing delete on him.

It is funny that I tried really hard and put my all toward the end of whatever it was that we had because I was scared.  Scared my female intuition was right.  I remember asking “What can I do to keep your attention?” and I really was trying but there is only so much one person can do for someone who is not interested.  As each day goes by and not hearing something from him and knowing things are not what it is going to be, it is literally making me sick.  I found myself worrying over just everything possible causing this sick feeling in my stomach.  I woke up this morning thinking about him and everything once again and that sick feeling took over me.  I also got upset thinking about a situation regarding him that I honestly feel like punching a wall to get my frustration out but I didn’t.  I soon realize he is like the virus taking over my computer, which is me.  I just need to press delete and remove him from my life.

Temporarily.

I don’t want to lose a friend though.  Overall, one of the best guy friends I ever had.  Lust, however, took over during the wrong time of our lives.  I come to the conclusion that I can never let my feelings get like this for someone for a long time even if he continues to reassure me he is not like the other guys.  I fell for that line once again and I will never open my heart so soon for any more pain.  Even if it comes to him again and that little hope I was holding on.  Never again.

I guess I need to hit delete on him for the time being.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 5:41 am and is filed under Love and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.